


Drop Those Pants

by Megalomaniacal



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Anal Fingering, Dennis and Dee get a new dad, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Like, M/M, Religious Guilt, Rimming, S2E10, really poorly written rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 22:49:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megalomaniacal/pseuds/Megalomaniacal
Summary: The anus smuggling scene except Frank doesn't ruin it.





	Drop Those Pants

**Author's Note:**

> I started this at LEAST 3 months ago and just decided to work on it again 2day lol also lov me pls

"Alright buddy. Baking soda, lube, balloons. This is how it's gonna go. I'm gonna jam this into your rectum, and then woo! Like that, it's gonna expand into your colon, okay?"

"It's gonna be that big?"

"Absolutely. You ready? Drop those pants."

Charlie paused, brows furrowing, the corners of his lips twisted downward. "I don't know, man. That's not gonna fit."

Mac rolled his eyes. "That's why we got lube, dude, don't worry about it."

"Why are you the one putting it in me?"

Mac rolled his eyes again, huffing in annoyance. "You won't be able to see the angle to properly insert it into your anus, dude. Now drop those pants and get ready for an ass full of drugs."

Charlie wrinkled his nose but stood up and pushed his jeans down to his ankles, boxers falling with them. It wasn't like Mac hadn't seen his bare ass before. 

"You're gonna need to, like, lay over the arm of the couch or something. I can't even see your asshole with you standing like that."

Charlie inhaled loudly and exhaled just as loud and even more dramatically, kicking off his pants the rest of the way before climbing over to lay over the arm of the couch, ass sticking up, spreading his legs a little bit. "Better?" He snapped. 

"Yes." Mac responded sincerely, cracking open the bottle of lube and pouring it haphazardly over Charlie's hole, getting it all over the couch in the process. Mac pouted it over his own fingers as well and shoved one right up inside his friend. 

"Fucker!" Charlie screeched. "You could warn me, dumbass!"

"Relax!" Max scolded, rolling his eyes. "I gotta tie the heroin in the balloon and stuff it up there still, dude! I haven't even loosened you up yet!"

Charlie made an annoyed sound that was a mix between a scream and a grunt. "Well hurry up and stuff my asshole, Mac, damnit!" 

"Fine, dude, but don't blame me if your ass tears in half." Mac shrugged, forcing a second finger in along with the first, using his free hand to sloppily tie the heroin filled balloon shut. 

"Just stuff my ass already, dude! Stuff my ass! It doesn't take this long!"

"If you don't want a ripped ass it does!" Mac argued. 

Charlie made another agitated sound and Mac felt his ass clench around his two fingers as he worked them in to the second knuckles. He was about to pull them out and try to loosen Charlie up more when the smaller man shivered and made a noise that sounded less angry and more turned on. Mac furrowed his eyebrows, noticing that his fingers were pushed up against something inside his friend. He brushed his fingers over the same spot, and Charlie actually moaned. 

"Dude. You're totally making this gay." Mac deadpanned. 

"I'm making this gay? I am?! You're the one with your fingers in another man's ass, dude!" Charlie screeched. 

"You moaned, dude!" Mac brushed his fingers over the same spot again and Charlie let out a cracked, weak moan. "Like, what the fuck?"

"You're poking at my nerves or something dude! I don't know! Can't you just shove the balloon up and get it over with?!"

"I'm trying!" 

Mac pulled out his fingers and Charlie yelped at the sudden movement. 

"That hurt, you asshole!" He complained. 

"Oh, sorry, want me to kiss it better?" Mac taunted, voice high pitched and mocking. 

"I don't fucking know!"

Mac snickered and leaned down and Charlie couldn't hold back his obscenely loud groan when Mac actually kissed over his hole. Mac froze, not expecting that reaction, before slowly leaning forward and doing it again. 

"Mac- what the fuck dude-" Charlie's voice cracked as he pushed his hips back toward Mac. "I'm not some chick or something."

Mac didn't reply, instead leaning in and slowly licking over Charlie's hole, cheeks flushed as he watched Charlie shudder with arousal at the sensation. He could see Charlie's cock hanging mostly erect between his legs, between his soft, thick thighs. 

Mac ignored the fact that it was getting a bit gay. 

He slid the tip of his tongue inside Charlie, pulling it out then pushing it again, just teasing and coaxing tiny reactions out of him. Mac tried to mentally justify it, telling himself that Charlie's hole was wet and pink, just like a girl's. Sure, it looked nothing like a vagina and Charlie had a cock quite noticeably hanging between his legs, but Mac could look past that and make ridiculous excuses for himself and the fact that his cock was throbbing in his pants as he ate out his friend. 

"Mac, fuck," Charlie whined, hips twitching, pushing back onto Mac's tongue. Mac was palming himself through his jeans, now eagerly fucking Charlie with his tongue, trying to fit one of the fingers of his free hand in alongside it. Charlie's cock visibly twitched when he did and Mac could feel him clenching again. 

Mac moaned, grinding up against his hand, the vibrations causing Charlie to moan as well. The balloon full of drugs laid forgotten on the edge of the table, Mac's eyes closed as he fingered Charlie and tongue fucked him at the same time, cock throbbing with arousal at how filthy an act like this was. He'd probably pray and beg for forgiveness later with the same mouth he used to eat Charlie's ass. 

Mac was torn out of his thoughts by Charlie's loud moans as he came, cock twitching as come spurted out onto the couch, clenching hard around Mac, thighs shaking from the force of his orgasm. Mac waited for Charlie to relax against the couch before reaching down and unzipping his own pants, pulling out his cock and starting to jerk himself off as quick as he could, sloppy strokes quickly causing him to come hard, streaks of white landing across Charlie's thighs and ass as Charlie turned his head to look back at him with glossy eyes. 

"I don't think we should really smuggle any drugs-"

"Yeah, I agree with you." Mac interrupted, panting softly as Charlie carefully moved to sit on the couch. "I think we should probably get drunk."

"I think that's a pretty good idea." Charlie agreed, looking down at the floor. "I've got some half empty cans of-"

"Hit me up, dude." Mac groaned, holding out his hand to take the shitty old beer from Charlie and drink until the religious guilt no longer made sense.


End file.
